New Chapter
Sitting in Georgetown at 4pm on a rainy Friday afternoon stirring my
ice tea to melt the ice, to melt the sugary taste away.
Contemplating just all the shit I let get to me. Lamenting my lack
of strength and freedom and the boundaries that I set for myself. The
false hopes. The lack of self esteem and worth.
I press at my belly and note the fat. Then insist for the hundredth
time that I will get myself to the gym TOMORROW.
Fuck this.
'Let's rent a car and drive to Atlantic City'
'now?'
'yes. right now. pay the fucking check and lets go.'
'uh.'
'do you really have anything better to do?'
'true'
Two hours later, two people and a grand am flied past Baltimore
in the drizzle with the CD player volume button cranked and
Def Leppard's Pour some Sugar on me accosting my teddy bear.
Atlantic City was met at 11:30 pm.
I had never been before. I had not been this spontaneous in a
long time. A man once asked me what I would do when I made
a million dollars. He told me that it would give him a better
idea as to the person I was.
I did not have an answer for him.
I do now.
I would take care of my friends -- show them a good time.
Buy them that one present that they've always wanted. Put a smile on their
face. Go on an adventure. Stop and put my hand in the ocean at sunset.
Swing on a swing set by the boardwalk as the sun goes down and those
bright lights come up. Watching the people wander by half bewildered
by my boots reaching the sky, wishful that they could stop that baby carriage
, put away those chips and just run into the sand and do the same thing.
I'm learning the definition of bittersweet.
Ah yes, I did drink too much and smoke too much and gamble too much.
We tracked cute guys. Manipulated stares. Flirted with dealers.
Found out interesting facts about the 'working' girls who wear the furs and
circle the bar.
Three hundred dollars and hour. And they weren't even that attractive. Just
high heels and long, shoulder heavy fur coats.
I didn't wear deoderant for two days and I don't smell. I try and remember
when and why I first started using it and I can't. If you shower regularly
you probably don't stink.
Random thought.
It was the year 1986 when I first decided my mantra would be 'Do Something'.
I think now as to a new one for the new millenium and I really can't.
Being spontaneous is where its at. Be it in actions, thoughts or reactions.
Just get out there and do it. Express it. Be it, through and through. Quit
thinking what the hell someone else will think. That only makes you
bitter and angry. Smile and bounce and talk and care. There is always
hope if there is communication, so never severe those lines.
So take a trip. Do something completely unexpected and forget responsibilities
for even just one day.
Oh, and when that drunk russian dude at the blackjack table tells you to
'be quiet cause he wants money', smile at him and simply say 'no'.
